My mother died a year ago. Where is she now? I don't know. I wish I knew. Did I say enough? Did I say too much? Did the life I live mean anything to her? Or was it a stumbling block, full of mess-ups, causing her to wonder if I was living a lie.
I stood in the window of my sanctuary bedroom on that long ago August day, begging God for a sign. Crying out into the sky for His assurance that she would be waiting for me one day up there. Shouldn't I have known? I was her daughter. She loved me, didn't she? Wouldn't she have wanted me to know such a wonderful Friend? Was He there to meet her when she took her last breath and I wasn't there to see it?
As I looked out my window this week, I am humbled by the grace the Lord has given to me. He has forgiven me and allowed me to move on with my life. Yes, I'm incredibly broken, but it's good. It's changed me. He's changed me. And so I'm thankful for the terrible events that happened a year ago, because they caused me to run right into Him and it's awesome! These verses express how I feel and how I've been able to cope with the "not knowing":
"For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I
know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest
of these is love."
I Cor. 13:12-13(NKJV)
I have asked myself this question and I ask you now. When your family is grieving your death and your children look up into the sky and wonder if you're up there with Jesus,will you be there? Do they know it? Have you told them? Does your life as a Christ follower show it?
